Routines

Routines, who needs them? Me- I do. I need them very badly. I'm a mess without them. Anyone else?

FACT: I am a mom.I have two daughters. I wish I could give them everything I can. I fear, everyday, that I am making bad choices and mistakes that will affect them in the future. 

FICTION: I am a failure. Yes, I make mistakes, but I am not failing them as a mother. I provide them clean clothes, food to eat, a safe house to live in, and unconditional love. I read them books and help with homework. We paint finger nails and pictures to hang on our wall. I work hard to provide for them. I want them to look up to me. I want to be a good example for them. I want their answer, when asked who their hero is, to be me. Is that selfish? Maybe. But, I don’t care. I want to be someone they want to be. 

WISH: I wish I would stop beating myself up when I feel inadequate. Or feeling guilty when I have to yell at the kids to get them to listen to me. Because I’ve said something four times. Because they still ignore me. And then someone gets hurt because they didn’t listen to me. And falls off of the couch because they refuse to stop jumping on it. 
{Please tell me I’m not the only one}
I can’t tell you how many times I have gone to my husband crying asking if I’m a good mother. Every time he says I am. Every. Single. Time. So why do I doubt myself. Why can’t I see it the way he sees it?

TRUTH: A lot of things have been happening in my family.    <Both good and bad> 

We've had a family tragedy, grandparents have come to visit, I've accepted a new job, I've been late to work almost everyday this past month…and, well, life in general. I feel like we've been off our A-Game and it’s high time we get back on it. 

Quite frankly, not being on a routine is exhausting. 

I hope that from here on out, I can just keep calm and mother on. Take a deep breath, go on a walk, and/or eat a cupcake. 
Whatever it is that will help me get it together.