It's Ironic

Today, I am at home- sick. Being sick is no fun- especially as a mother. This morning I had to get my girls up and out of the house before I threw up on them. Yep- the stomach bug has hit our home. Emma got it late Saturday night and has since passed it on to me. 

It's ironic because yesterday with her not feeling good, I was enjoying her wanting to cuddle with me and hold her and have her sit on my lap as we watched movies all day. Kaitlyn was even being nice to her- which is a rarity. TODAY,I am feeling none of those things. TODAY, I feel quite hellish as I try to take care of myself. As I do the 6th load of laundry between the two of us. As I try to catch up on work. As I try to take care of myself. 

It's ironic because I love taking care of others- specifically my husband and daughters. I take great joy in rubbing their back as they lay on the couch. I know this is kind of unpleasant to think about, but I truly enjoy it. I can't be the only one. I like that I can make them feel better. I like that being their mom, I get first dibs on taking care of them. 

It's ironic because I absolutely hate taking care of myself. It's a real problem I have. I'm sure both sides of motherhood can agree. Whether you're a working mom or a stay-at-home mom, one thing I always read about, hear about, or see {about :/} is that mothers typically have a hard time treating themselves or sometimes even doing small things to take care of themselves.

Last month I actually did something about it and went out on a Girls Day Out with my sister-in-law. We kept it super simple. We went to get pedicures and then went to Ikea- sans children. We were gone for the afternoon and it was perfect. There was a kind of theme going on: YOLO. You only live once. We got the Deluxe Pedicure. So yeah, we totally lived it up.   :)

Goals

Goals. To me, this can sometimes be a four-letter-word. You know the one you say and then instantly feel bad about. For me, I feel bad because I have been known to set goals and then not attain them. And that makes me sad. Especially when you write them down, come across them throughout the year, and realize none of them are underway. Like not even close. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure. You know what I mean?

Not this year. This year I have two important goals. One is a personal goal and the second is a family goal that we came up with together. 

Personal Goal: 

FINISH. 

Seriously, that's all. Finish. 

Start something and then finish it. 

Commence something and finish. 

Or, finish something that has already been started. 

For those of you who have seen my kitchen...yea.

I started crocheting a blanket for Kaitlyn while I was still pregnant. Honestly, this was three years ago I started this. Recently I came across said blanket. It was a hot mess. It had been moved around one too many times. So, I cut the cord (literally and figuratively) and started a different project- finishing off the yarn I had purchased and started on years ago. 

I have made two scarves with this yarn. One for Emma and one for Kaitlyn. This makes me extremely happy. Not only because I finally finished a project I started about three years ago, but because I was able to make something for my girls, that they will love and cherish. Well, at least for the next few months. Hello, Winter Wonderland. 

I love being creative and making things with my hands. Here's another story about when I was pregnant with Kaitlyn. It was a Sunday morning and Ben and I started nailing some board and batten on our kitchen walls. This was a Sunday in July and it was excruciating hot. And I was 8 1/2 months pregnant. We decided to put our nail gun down and take Emma to the neighborhood pool. Long story short, about 8 hours later, Kaitlyn Nicole was born. That kitchen is still not finished. Everyday, it looks at me and taunts me into finishing it. I always make excuses...I need a new sander. I'm too tired. I need to do laundry. I'm feeling lazy today. I would rather take my children to the park. I'd rather just eat in the living room so I don't have to look at it. Nope. Not this year. I'm gonna finish those kitchen walls like my life depended on it. 

Because, at this time in my life, it does. 

Last year, I had a hard time. I felt like I was personally and professionally at a stand still. I was always tired and I wasn't happy where I was as an employee. I felt like I had no control and if something didn't get done, I was always ready with an excuse. Not. This. Year. Nope. Nuh-huh. I'm taking control. This is just one way to do that. FINISH. 

<here is that kitchen wall in all its glory. also, i need to take down this merry christmas sign>

Family Goal: 

TRY NEW THINGS.

My husband is, what some would call, a home-body. He loves to stay home. He'd rather not go out. Ever. He has consistently claimed that he would be totally and completely happy if he lived in the mountains with no one around for miles. Well, except for his family. :) He likes us just fine. However, with his home-bodiedness (that's a word), it has been difficult to try new things. It's like if we do, it isn't up to snuff and he'd have been happier if we had just had dinner at home. Or the girls misbehave, or something is spilled or dropped and we all start crying...while we're trying to order drinks. Not this year. This year, we are going to try new things, and we're going to enjoy it. 

This past weekend, we started this goal by trying a new restaurant we have never tried, but have mentioned on multiple occasions that we would love to try it. We did. It wasn't that great, but we did it. We also saw a movie that afternoon with the wandering Kaitlyn. She last about 45 minutes. And then we spent some time walking back and forth in the back of the theater. And then we went out to the hall. It was a lot of fun! No, but seriously. I'm really glad we tried these things. 

This year, courtesy of my parents, we have passes to Thanksgiving Point and we're looking forward to trying that out throughout the year and seeing what it's all about. 

We also went ice skating as a family for the first time. Although, now that I think about it, I don't think Ben and I have ever been ice skating together. Ever. Turns out it's a lot of fun and our girls thoroughly enjoyed themselves. Here's proof. 

I'm glad I have these two goals this year. I feel as though they are attainable. 

We started a bathroom a few months ago and we WILL get it finished this year. 

All because of my goal. 

Just kidding. ;)

Routines

Routines, who needs them? Me- I do. I need them very badly. I'm a mess without them. Anyone else?

FACT: I am a mom.I have two daughters. I wish I could give them everything I can. I fear, everyday, that I am making bad choices and mistakes that will affect them in the future. 

FICTION: I am a failure. Yes, I make mistakes, but I am not failing them as a mother. I provide them clean clothes, food to eat, a safe house to live in, and unconditional love. I read them books and help with homework. We paint finger nails and pictures to hang on our wall. I work hard to provide for them. I want them to look up to me. I want to be a good example for them. I want their answer, when asked who their hero is, to be me. Is that selfish? Maybe. But, I don’t care. I want to be someone they want to be. 

WISH: I wish I would stop beating myself up when I feel inadequate. Or feeling guilty when I have to yell at the kids to get them to listen to me. Because I’ve said something four times. Because they still ignore me. And then someone gets hurt because they didn’t listen to me. And falls off of the couch because they refuse to stop jumping on it. 
{Please tell me I’m not the only one}
I can’t tell you how many times I have gone to my husband crying asking if I’m a good mother. Every time he says I am. Every. Single. Time. So why do I doubt myself. Why can’t I see it the way he sees it?

TRUTH: A lot of things have been happening in my family.    <Both good and bad> 

We've had a family tragedy, grandparents have come to visit, I've accepted a new job, I've been late to work almost everyday this past month…and, well, life in general. I feel like we've been off our A-Game and it’s high time we get back on it. 

Quite frankly, not being on a routine is exhausting. 

I hope that from here on out, I can just keep calm and mother on. Take a deep breath, go on a walk, and/or eat a cupcake. 
Whatever it is that will help me get it together.

A Quiz for My Daughter

So, I've mentioned how much I appreciate keeping a journal (if you missed that, you can find it here). I have one for me, one for Emma, and one for Kaitlyn. I don't write in them very much consistently, but today was an exception.  I wrote these questions down awhile ago and thought I'd share today. I love asking Emma questions and hearing the answers-- I'll do the same with Kaitlyn. Their unsolicited, very innocent answers are something that I appreciate. Sometimes they make me laugh and sometimes they leave me scratching my head. Since when do I dress up?

It was a lot of fun doing this with my first born and hearing what she thought about me and her perceptions to things around her. 

Here we go...

1.What is something mom always says to you? 
I love you. 

2. What makes mom happy? 
Being good.

3. What makes mom sad? 
Being bad. 

4. How does your mom make you laugh? 
Tickle me and make funny jokes. 

5. What was your mom like as a child? 
Good. 

6. How old is your mom? 
50 hundred 60 thousand

7. How tall is your mom? 
Motioning with her hands...this big. 

8. What is her favorite thing to do? 
Dress up

9. What does your mom do when you're not around? 
Do the dishes. 

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? 
Dancing. And singing while your dancing. 

11. What is your mom really good at? 
Singing.

12. What does your mom do for a job? 
Snowbird. 

13.What is your mom's favorite food? 
Steak.

14. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? 
Abby Cadabby on Sesame Street. 

15. What do you and your mom do together? 

Clean up and make cookies. 

16. How are you and your mom the same? 

Because we both have Emma names. 

17. How are you and your mom different? 

Because we don't look the same. 

18. How do you know that your mom loves you? 

 Because you always tell me and you give me kisses and hugs. 

19. What does your mom like most about your dad? 

*silence* I don't know. Doing the laundry. 

20. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? 

Ikea.

See how simple her thoughts can be? What makes your mom happy? When I'm good. Love that. I try to do things with her ever so often. It's fun to see how her perceptions change and her answers vary. Fun things I also quiz her on are the essentials that, I think, are fun for her to look back on when she's older. Like, favorite color, food, song, etc. It's fun to see things change, but sometimes stay the same. One constant for her is her favorite song-- which is "Somewhere, Over the Rainbow." It's the song that she always requests for bedtime, or when she's scared or not feeling well. I love that this is something we'll be able to look back on and remember all of the good times. i.e. not when she tried to flush the diaper down the toilet or write on our walls with permanent marker. :)

Real Life Reveal: Day 3

My youngest daughter is 19 months now. She started sleeping through the night at around 4 months. Lately, she has been getting up again. And by lately, I mean for the last 11 nights (but who’s counting).

This is part of the reason my house is a bit chaotic. Once bedtime comes and goes for my kids, I am on the couch in my own PJs watching something just for me. Most recently, this includes Scandal. Love me some Kerry Washington. 

Anyways, I am one tired momma these days. I need a minimum of 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep. When that does not happen, you’ll know.
 I'll tell you what gets me through it. Coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. Sometimes 3 cups of coffee. Sometimes more. It’s what got me through my school years- when I was going to school full time, while working a full-time job, while having a 1 year old keeping me up all night, every night, while trying to have something left over for my husband. It was the hardest 2 years of my life...but SO worth it.

Back to the point. Was there ever a point? Yes, there was.

Case in point.  I am tired. My house is a mess.

Here is a picture of what my closet looks like. You only get a picture of the one side because our closet door was knocked off its track by one or two of my children and we have not had the time or energy to put it back on.

I see pictures of beautiful closets. I drool over said pictures. It’s still not motivation enough for me to even finish painting my closet. That’s right folks. My bedroom was the first room we painted, over 2 years ago, and the closet is still unpainted.*Duly noted* I am aware how pathetic that looks.  Whatevs.

Real Life Reveal: Day 2

Do you and your significant other have very obvious sides of things? Like the bathroom sink, closet, or bedside? Me too. 

You see that his side is clear and mine is a hot mess. Yea. I"m working on it. 

I have clothes that still need to be hung up, picture frames that don't have a home yet, and if you look closely, you'll see a Nifty Knitter with some yarn attached. I started a "blanket" back when I was pregnant with Kaitlyn. Yea, she's 19 months now. I should work on that too. 

Anywho, here is a glimpse at my dresser. I actually have a plan to get rid of some of my mess. Stay tuned early next week. I have big plans this weekend!  :)

Real Life Reveal: Day 1

I always think it's fun to get a glimpse into someone's life. Is that weird? I think it's just refreshing to see how others live. I am slightly obsessed with reading blogs and sometimes I get blog envy. Same thing goes with Facebook. My life  is nothing if it isn't a chaotic one. And you know what, I love it anyways. I love that sometimes we have dished in the sink from the night before because I felt it was more important to watch a movie with my husband or play hide and seek with my girls. Or to just lay on the couch and scroll through Pinterest for hours and hours. Let's be honest. 

I'm fine with it. Envy is for the birds. 

My bathroom is the one room that I clean only when I think about it. 

Something like after I shower and everything is misted over and I wipe down the sink with a wad of toilet paper. Something like when the trash is full and I actually take it out. :) 

Yea, last Friday Emma had a dentist come to her school to teach the kids about dental hygiene. I love when things like this happen to her because she learns something new and gets really excited to do it, and do it right. If you look closely, this is what you will see: a bottle of lotion laying on its side. 5 things of tooth paste and a length of yarn tied to a hair band- or a leash for Emma's dog, Sparkles. 

Sometimes a girl just doesn't have the time or motivation to clean up after herself and her family. 

Sometimes a girl would rather watch Scandal on Netflix. 

Confessions of a Working Mom

Do you ever feel that you are the only one? For anything. It could be not eating breakfast because you forget, never cleaning your car out, bribing your kids to get them to sit 

for a picture you're hoping to use for the family Christmas card, or farting at the gym 

when you're the only one in the cardio cinema. No, that last one is only me. I wanted to post some things that no one knows about me. I'm hoping this will bring optimism to others. Maybe, with my confessions, you will know that your weirdness and uniqueness may not be so weird and unique after all. Maybe a lot of people don't eat breakfast because, literally, they forgot. I know that happens to me far more than I care to admit. 

Here are three of my confessions that I am experiencing today. 

First, sometimes I go to start something, namely painting my little piggies, and can only get one done before someone is yelling outside the bathroom door. That is not limited to my husband or my children. This goes for shaving my legs as well.

 I can't remember I shaved above my knee!  

Second, we put up our Christmas tree 2 nights ago. It continues to sit undecorated. Why? Because the night we put it up, I didn't get home until right before dinner and then it was bed time by the time we figured out how to put the dang tree up. You see, this year, we upgraded to a bigger, pre-lit tree and it was a little tricky figuring how to put it up. It tilts slightly to one side, so hopefully that won't be a problem. 

Thirdly, sometimes when I've had a long day and we don't have any treats in the house, because I try to limit how much sugar we intake, I resort to 2-week-old frosting from my daughter's birthday, smeared on graham crackers. Don't get me wrong. I think it's the best thing known to woman-kind. But, every once in awhile I would like to have something a little more dessert-esque. Like a real piece of cake, a bowl of ice cream, or a Twinkies. 

How about you guys? Any confessions of working moms or stay-at-home moms?

Dance Party Edition

This last week, I was in Vail, Colorado. I was there for a work conference. It was a lot of fun, but boy was it good to come home. I think most people who read this know me, 

but for those of you who don't, I am a working mom. I work 40 hours a week. 

Sometimes, I feel I am away from home more than I am at home. Being gone for six whole days was tough. However, I did enjoy my time immensely.  I learned a lot of new things, met a lot of new people, and over-all, had a great time. It's kind of nice to get away from the hustle and bustle of life. Nonetheless, it was really great coming home to my little family, with my two cute little girls, and my amazing husband. My husband, who- by the way- also had a great time while I was away. He claimed it wasn't stressful and he and the girls had a great time. Not totally sure how to take that- other than count my lucky 
stars that I met and married him 7 years ago, that he gave me two beautiful, perfect daughters, and that he can take care of the house in my absence :)

Today was our first whole day together. This morning Emma and I were gone for a few 
hours attending her friend's birthday party. Emma had requested I take her because she missed me so much this past week. {tear} But tonight, after dinner, we had a good ol' fashioned dance party with the whole fam. When these pictures were taken, we 
were listening to Huey Lewis and the News. Great band. Great music. 

Even just looking at these pictures, I am reminded of how incredibly lucky I am to have an amazing home life, and an amazing professional life. Life really is good for me.

Mommy Wars

I read an article on cnn.com- (http://www.cnn.com/2013/10/17/opinion/navarrette-maria-kang/index.html?hpt=hp_c2) about a woman who posted a picture of herself, in next to nothing, and text at the top that states “What’s Your Excuse?”I read the article and then could not stop myself from reading the comments as well. I have to say, it's kind of ridiculous.

Have you heard of the mommy wars? It’s not so much having to worry about keeping up with the Joneses, it’s worrying about keeping up with the mommies. I find myself in on that battlefield when it comes to reading blogs. A lot of the blogs I read are written by women who do not work outside of the home. They have children, but in many cases, these children are in school all day. They have plenty of time to do things around the house and blog about them. I do not have this same situation. I work 40 hours a week. I work about 20 minutes from home. That puts me away from home at least 9 ½ hours per day, 47 ½ hours per week. With 168 hours in a week, that takes me away from my home for 1/3 of the week. That’s a lot of time. Not to mention the house-hold chores including-but limited to- laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuuming, putting the clean clothes away, and sweeping the crumbs that never cease to exist on my kitchen floor. But then to throw being fit and healthy in the mix. Well it's just not fair. 

When I have a chance to go to the gym, it’s after work and before I pick up my girls from daycare. Some days, this only allots me 30 minutes or so. I still have to pick them up, get them home, get dinner cooked and on the table, and then helping bathe said girls and get them to bed. Not to mention actually spending quality time with them while doing quality activities. If this doesn't happen for me, sometimes I try to talk myself into going to the gym after my husband and I get the girls down for bed, but let’s be honest- once I’m home and the kids are in bed, that’s when I get cleaning done or some good ol’ fashion TV watching in. 

So, while I agree that this mommy in the article is super fit and might be an example for other moms, I feel she went about it in the wrong way. 
{Probably the Point- I heard she was on the Today show and have kept seeing/hearing about her every time I turn on the computer or the radio} Seriously, is it that earth-shattering. 
News flash- this crap has been happening and going around for a while now. 

Every mother is different. Every mother has a different story. And while some moms are stay-at-home moms and some moms are working moms, we all have the choice to do what we want with our rare precious spare time.

Sometimes, I do choose to go to the gym, sometimes I choose to pick up my girls earlier than expected. Sometimes, I even go to the store and buy myself a doughnut. Yesterday, I had ice cream for lunch...true story. 

Let's stop judging and caring so much about other people. We shouldn't judge each other or loathe against what other mothers have, we should be on the same team. The one that has pizza for dinner and sometimes veges out in front of the TV watching
 "My Fair Wedding: With David Tutera." Currently, that's my go-to. 

Dear Diary...

Ever since I was a little girl, I have written in a journal. My mom was really good about having us write in our journal every Sunday. This was one thing I didn't mind doing. 

I enjoyed it then. I enjoy it now. I enjoy putting my thoughts down on paper. 

However, now it is quite a bit harder to actually sit down and write things down. 
When Emma was born, I started a journal that I try to write in for her. 
It is my plan to continue this until she's 18 and then give it to her before she starts college. 
I plan to do the same thing with Kaitlyn. 
Why yes, Kaitlyn is already 14 months. I'll get on it...Eventually. 

I write about all kinds of things. Back in the day that included crushes, friends I had, things I did at school and church, and sometimes I went so far as to write down what I wore.

 And I put stuff in it as well. Tickets, cards, pictures, anything I had at the time. 

Some might call me a pack rat. My husband certainly does. I kept everything. 

I kept every single letter my grandpa wrote me. These are things I'll cherish FOREVER.

Thanks mom for forcing having me write in my journal every.single.Sunday.

I feel like it's made me a better person. 

Running is My Frenemy

I come from a family of runners. My dad ran track and cross country in high school and college. All four of my brothers ran. My sister, Carey, ran too. It's in my blood.

 I ran one season of cross country in high school. I hated it. 

However, now I enjoy it. These days, I like to think I'm a runner. I go to a gym sometimes pretty regularly and I run til I can't run no mo'. I am signed up for my second half marathon for next April. I have done quite a few races in the last few years. 

I am competitive by nature and I like running against other people...and dogs.

I am not a pretty runner. My clothes don't match. I wear mismatched socks. 

Sometimes I forget my water bottle and I have to fill my empty coffee mug with water so

I am able to fend off exhaustion and that little voice in my head that's taunting me to stop. 

I give it everything I have. And I don't care what I look like. 

This is the only way I can get through the week sometimes. Sometimes I claim it is my drug of sorts. Meaning, I need it, I want it, I have to have it. I almost crave it sometimes. 

Other times, I literally talk my self out of it.

Here's the thing- I don't do it for only me. I do it for my girls too. I want to be a healthy and happy mom who can play with my kids and have energy to keep up with them. I want to live a long life so I can be with them always. As in, I never want to leave their side. As in, I live in their basement when I am old. They'll never be able to get rid of me. Not if I can help it. And if that means, heading to the gym twice a week. Well, so be it.